Loving the Body You're Already In

• Original Post in July 2002, “The Wirth Report”

Around the world we're seeing the consequences of outwardly expressed hatred and anger. Regardless of our nationality or cultural backgrounds, we understand the lasting impact that hate can have on people. Yet when it comes to our own bodies, it's as if that knowledge and understanding never existed in our consciousness.

We get up in the morning and wash our faces. We peer into the mirror and begin the judging and self-loathing. I've had clients who refuse to put up full length mirrors simply because that action would empower their Critique Machine to the point that they might never leave the house. And it's not just the people who are overweight or top-to-bottom disproportionate who engage in this behavior. The beautiful models and hunky actors that I've worked with are just as prone to self-hatred as the next person. Maybe you're unaware, but Cindy Crawford struggled with her self-image after she was rejected by modeling agencies for years, simply because she had a mole on her face.

While many people have spoken on this subject, I'll share a secret with you: it is healthier to see the good and beautiful in ourselves than to analyze the imperfections all around us. This is undeniably true everywhere and everyday. In "Each Day a New Beginning - Daily Meditations for Women” (1982), Sue Atchley Ebaugh shared these thoughts, "How I relate to my inner self influences my relationships with all others. My satisfaction with myself and my satisfaction with other people are directly proportional."

For years, Madeline hated the "number" on the scale. Her perception was that she's been overweight her whole life. John's self perception was that he's never been an athlete, which goes back to the experience of being picked last on the grammar school

playground. He's sure that his body is incapable of being "athletic," so he sat on the

sidelines cheering for others (while secretly pronouncing judgment on himself).

This post was written almost 2 and half decades ago, but it still rings true from top to bottom. As outwardly expressed anger and hatred continues to spread throughout the world and manifest in so many different ways, self love becomes infinitely more important for all of us. 

Now I’m not talking about the self-love we see in the media. We’re often encouraged to get a gym membership, buy those new shoes, and get that new trendy haircut in order to feel good about ourselves when we look in the mirror. However, today we are surrounded by images, trends, and expectations that shift constantly. One moment a certain body type is celebrated, the next it’s replaced by something new. And somewhere in that cycle, we’re left trying to keep up. Self-love isn’t about finally approving of your body once it matches the current standard. It’s about changing the way you relate to your body before anything changes at all.

You can live in a body that is objectively healthy, capable, even admired by others and still experience it as not enough. Not because of what’s actually there, but because of the perception you’ve created about it.

• That story gets reinforced in small, daily moments:

• The glance in the mirror.

• The comment you make to yourself while getting dressed.

• The way you avoid certain clothes, spaces, or experiences because of how you believe your body will be perceived.

Over time, those moments build a relationship, not just with your body, but with yourself. Just like any relationship, it can become shaped by criticism, distance, and even quiet forms of rejection.

The original article names something important: the harm of outward hatred is easy to recognize. We see it in the world and understand its impact. But when that same energy is directed inward, toward our own bodies, it often goes unquestioned.

What would it look like to interrupt that pattern? Not by forcing yourself to feel confident or pretending to love everything you see, but by softening the way you relate to everything that’s already there. 

You can start with respect for your body. Respect what your body carries, what it’s adapted to, and how it continues to show up for you, even when you’ve felt like you’ve been at odds with it.

You can also choose to care for your body without making that care conditional on whether it matches certain standards set in the media. You can still have preferences and goals, but instead of them being rooted in rejection of the present, they can be rooted in care. By shifting that relationship with your body, you can begin to shift your perception.

In a world where criticism is loud and constant, choosing to meet yourself with something different is not small. It’s a form of resistance and a form of healing. You don’t need to become someone new. You just need to learn how to be with yourself as you are.